


In which Mr. Ricketts instructs Mr. Babbington in the fine art of letter-writing

by reconditarmonia



Category: Master and Commander - Patrick O'Brian
Genre: Gen, Humor, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-02-07
Updated: 2006-02-07
Packaged: 2017-10-22 04:40:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/233859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reconditarmonia/pseuds/reconditarmonia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What it says on the tin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In which Mr. Ricketts instructs Mr. Babbington in the fine art of letter-writing

_Dearest mother and father:  
How are you? I am well. We are off Catalonia, which is in Spain. The Captain is in a horrible temper because the Doctor, his particular friend (the seamen call it a tie-mate) is stranded ashore among the wild animals and Spanish. He cut a hole in the gunner's head a few weeks ago (the Doctor, not the Captain)._

"It's no use," says Babbington despondently. "I cannot think of _anything to put_."

"Neither can I," says Ricketts in a muffled voice, which comes of having his head resting on his crossed forearms and his mouth less than an inch from the table. "There is nothing _to_ put. I should have to stop talking to Father so as to save up conversation." He stretches an arm across the table and pokes Babbington. "Let me see it." Ricketts scans the given letter. "Have you any brothers?"

"I haven't. Why?"

"Sisters?"

"Three."

"Ask after them."

_And how are Mary, Lydie and Kitty? I hope they are well and that Lydie has recovered from her fright with the chickens._

"There," says Babbington doubtfully.

"What about dogs? You have a dog, don't you?"

_And how is old Castor? Has his paw healed enough for him to chase rabbits again?_

This continues in like manner. Babbington discovers that he is concerned for the welfare of people and animals that he was barely acquainted with at home. At last they have exhausted all the possibilities, but the letter is still not two pages long. Both midshipmen stare stupidly at it. Then Babbington brightens, writes quickly:

 _And how is the great hall clock? It used to make such a lovely ticking sound_.

and signs it, a large messy signature that fills up the last space left on the page.

Ricketts has finished his letter too, by means which he will not divulge to Babbington. "Come _on_ , let me read it," says Babbington.

"No. Go away," says Ricketts, and pokes him with the quill. Babbington squeaks and pokes him back.

Almost one bell later, it dawns upon the two giggling ink-covered midshipmen that they should probably bring their letters up to show the Captain.

"Get _off_ me, Will," says Ricketts with rather little conviction. Babbington raises his eyebrows suggestively, but stands. Ricketts clambers up from the deck and straightens his clothes.

"Hold on," says Babbington, remembering suddenly, and writes a postscript to his letter:

 _P.S. Captain's compliments, and his bankers are ~~whores~~ Hoares_.

The berth is not empty long: within half a glass they are back, sans letters and close to tears. Ricketts sits down heavily on his sea-chest. "It's not _fair_ ," he says in a trembling voice, though it is, of course, completely fair that they should be severely reprimanded for covering themselves in ink.

Babbington flops down next to him. "I want to go home," he says wretchedly. "I miss Mother and Father, and Mary'n'Lydie'n'Kitty, and Castor, and the clock. I want to go _home_."

Ricketts bursts into tears. "I don't want to go," he sniffles. "I want to stay on the _Sophie_. I _like_ the _Sophie_."

Babbington begins to cry as well, and the midshipmen cling for an undignified length of time. Then Babbington looks over at Ricketts and lets out a strangled laugh. "You have ink on your face." He dabs it with his finger and shows it to Ricketts. "No, really, it's everywhere." There is a moment's breathless pause before they both start giggling madly.

Ricketts stands awkwardly and makes an exaggerated bow. "My humblest thanks, Mr. Babbington, for apprising me of this knowledge." He hiccups.

Babbington returns the courtesy. "Oh, no, Mr. Ricketts. Thank _you_ , for instructing me in the fine art of letter-writing."

**Author's Note:**

> \--Context, in case it's been a while since you read _Master and Commander_ : Midshipmen Babbington and Ricketts have been ordered by Captain Aubrey to write letters to their parents, because they haven't done so in a while and because Jack is angry about Stephen being in danger and looking for someone to take it out on. Ricketts's problem is that his father is _Sophie_ 's purser and he sees him every day, and the father is also considering transferring out of the _Sophie_ to a storeship.  
>  \--I have this marked as "Babbington/Ricketts" on my own site, but it's really just silly gen. When adding my fic to AO3, I haven't bothered to note "pairings" where nothing really happens, for the most part.  
> \--Babbington's sisters' names are, naturally, the names of the three younger sisters from _Pride and Prejudice_ , because I always steal original-character names from other people. The dog is called Castor because later in the series, Babbington has a dog called Pollux.  
> \--While the asking-after all the people (and animals, and things) is kind of the point and makes up the bulk of Babbington's letter, I'm actually quite amused by the beginning.


End file.
